Tonight, I Wanna Cry
by tylerlckwood
Summary: Flashback to Season 1. Puck has just given Beth up and he's devastated. He doesn't know what to do... So he runs to the one girl other than Quinn that made him smile during the pregnancy. One-shot.


They lost regionals. The club was going to be over. Life was going to go back to normal. No more slushies. He could just be on the football team again and not worry about all that bullshit anymore.

But, he wasn't happy.

However, his sadness had nothing to do with their loss or the discontinuation of the club. That was the farthest thing from his mind.

* * *

_Wow…_

_Puck was looking through the glass at the most precious person he'd ever laid eyes on—his baby. She was flawless. Her little nose. Her perfect lips. Her chest was rising and falling softly as she slept. Honestly, this girl was perfection personified._

_And he had helped make her. Another life. He had made a little person! And she was his… For now. _

"_She looks like you." He paused, dreading the answer to this next question. He already knew. "Do you wanna keep her?"_

"_No." The response was instant and certain. "Do you?"_

_He breathed out and moved his head. The expression on his face read 'Of fucking course, I want to keep her.' His chest tightened and he couldn't believe that he was going to lose his baby._

"_Did you love me?"_

_The question caught him off-guard, but he decided to be honest._

"_Yes… Especially now."_

_Their baby was lying in front of them. He couldn't help but feel this undeniable love for the girl beside him and the girl in front of them. They were bonded now. For life._

_He turned to look at her and they shared knowing smiles._

_That coach from Vocal Adrenaline appeared and he couldn't help but wonder why the fuck she was here. Especially after the bullshit stunt she pulled with Rachel. Coming into her life and then leaving like it wouldn't have a damn effect on her. He already disliked this woman._

"_Which one is yours?"_

"_What are you doing here?" It's like Quinn read his mind._

"_Oh I see her now. She looks like you. She have a name?"_

_Yes._

"_No."_

"_Beth," he said. He had had no control over anything this entire pregnancy. For the first part of it, he wasn't even allowed to go to doctor's visits and another fucking dude thought it was his! He was going to have one damn thing. This baby was going to have something that he gave her, God damn it!_

"_Pretty. I like that name."_

_What the fuck does it matter if she likes that name?_

_He really couldn't believe he was doing this right now. If he refused to sign these papers… He could keep her. He could keep Beth and there was nothing that Quinn could fucking do about it._

_And honestly, how was he supposed to trust this woman with his child!? She had already given Rachel up. Twice. Was that going to be the fate of his little girl? Why couldn't Quinn see this?_

_He didn't have to fucking sign these damn papers! _

_But, he couldn't do that to Quinn. It was Quinn's choice… He cared about her… _

_Powerless once again in the matters of his own child…_

_Reluctantly, he signed the papers._

* * *

When the other members of the club returned and told them that they had lost, he really, _really_ didn't give a fuck. So fucking what? They lost a damn competition. He lost a child, for God's sake!

He sat alone on the bus ride home with his legs stretched out on the seat. His head remained down and he was doing everything he could not to cry.

Everyone was quiet on the bus ride. They had all lost something. But not like he had…

When he entered his house, his mother rushed to greet him, throwing her arms around his neck. However, he didn't move to respond. His arms stayed at his sides. His chin rested against her shoulder and he stared ahead.

"Noah, talk to me," she begged him, her voice pleading.

"No."

That was the first word he had spoken since he'd left the hospital. It sounded defeated and hollow. It was like there was nothing within him anymore. He was a walking shell.

"Noah…" He voice had gotten softer, but still pleading.

"No."

"Son, you—"

"I. Said. No."

Now, he was angry. He didn't want to fucking think about it. He didn't want to fucking talk about it. He didn't want to fucking cry.

Without giving his mother another chance to pry, he stalked past her, up the stairs and into his room. The slam of his door echoed through the house.

His tore his tie over his head and ripped the black dress shirt open, the buttons popping off and clattering all over the floor. After he fell onto the bed, he pulled roughly at his shoes, trying to get them off without untying them. However, they were tied too tight so he ended up getting frustrated and let out a loud growl.

"Fuck!"

Everything was pissing him off. That damn click click noise of the tree against his window. The way that his mother had come in and cleaned up. The fact that Hannah's damn doll was in the middle of his fucking floor! How many Goddamn times did he have to tell her not to fucking come in his room when he was gone?!

After struggling with his frustration, he got changed into his cotton pajama pants and into his bed.

Every time he blinked, he saw that perfect little girl in the arms of that fucking woman. It got to the point where his eyes would begin to burn because he couldn't bear to blink.

"Argh!"

He shot up in bed and fought the tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

The emptiness inside him was just too damn much to handle.

In another world, he could have been playing with his baby girl for all of this time he had spent brooding. He could be holding her and changing her diaper. And watching her grow up.

But she was with _her_. That woman. Shelby Corcoran. Rachel's mom. The woman that had caused Rachel so much damn pain in her life.

He missed Rachel. That week that they had spent together was the happiest he could remember being while all of this bullshit baby drama was happening.

That's when he realized that there was nowhere else he'd rather be than with her right now.

But Finn…

Screw it. He wasn't going to like make out with her or anything.

Wordlessly, he slipped on a sleeveless tee and his slip-on vans, grabbed his keys, and got into his truck. The clock on the radio read 11:12. She would be asleep by now… Good.

He rushed over to the Berry house and used the hide-a-key that she'd told him about when they were kids. The house was dark and quiet, so he kicked off his shoes and took them into his hands so he wouldn't make a sound as he walked up the stairs.

At her door, he paused, suddenly unsure of himself. Should he just turn around? Last chance…

No, he decided. Fuck everything else right now. He needed to be with Rachel.

He eased the door open and peeked in to find the tiny diva resting soundly. Normally, the sight would have made him smile. But, he was just too damn sad right now. He bent over and placed his shoes quietly on the floor and walked around to the side of the bed that had the most space.

Lifting the covers, he nestled in behind her and wrapped her in his embrace. His nose nuzzled into the back of her neck.

Rachel stirred. Her mind was disoriented for a few seconds. Her initial thought was _What is Finn doing here?! _

"Finn…" Her voice hit his ears, groggy and tired.

"No." He replied, sounding even emptier than before.

Rachel's eyes shot open and she turned in his embrace.

"Noah…" Her voice was softer now and more alert.

Puck didn't speak. His eyes bore into hers. The tears were obviously trying to escape him and he didn't want to acknowledge the look of pity he saw in her eyes.

"What are you—"

He cut her off with a shake of his head and pulled her closer. Her head was now nestled under his chin and against his chest.

It didn't help him feel less sad. However, he did feel… lighter. Why did he feel lighter? That's when he felt his eyes start to sting again—this time due to his tears and not their dryness.

It wasn't like he was sobbing, but he still didn't like that he was crying with Rachel right there.

Rachel wasn't really sure how to respond to this. Naturally, there were a million questions bubbling up in her. She was dating Finn now. This was highly inappropriate, wasn't it? Then again, it wasn't as if they were actually partaking in anything romantic or sexual. Friends engage in activities such as cuddling all of the time.

The movement of his chest clued her in on the fact that he was crying.

Why was Noah crying? It took her mind a few moments to wake up. The baby… Noah had lost that baby that she had seen him care about so much. The baby was gone forever and he was in a state of grief. Oh no.

Without further thought, she nestled into him and wrapped her arm around his waist.

_Finally,_ he thought. His arms tightened around her and he just allowed the tears to fall.

He was so broken, so sad. He just wanted his little girl back. He wanted to be holding his little girl as she fell asleep against the warmth of his chest. He wanted to be laying his little girl to sleep. He wanted to be woken up in the middle of the night by her cry.

He wanted to watch her grow up. He wanted to teach her how to play guitar. He wanted to teach her how to sing. He wanted… He wanted…

He lost.

"Noah…" she finally spoke after what seemed like hours.

"Please no. I don't wanna talk about it."

That was the last thing spoken that night.

She had fallen asleep around two in the morning and rolled off him. He figured that would be the best time to sneak back over to his house.

Before he left, he found a notepad and a pencil and wrote her a note.

**Thanks. Please don't tell anyone that I cried. And don't be mad at me when you find out who has her. I didn't wanna give her up. But I couldn't do that to Q. Again, thanks.**

— -**Pu-**** Noah**


End file.
